I Used to Pray

Abba, I used to pray because
I wanted stuff:
a job,
a contract,
a victory,
a specific need to be filled,
or a desire to be met.

I used to pray because
I was supposed to:
as a Christ-follower,
but especially as a pastor,
a leader in your church.

I used to pray because
I was afraid of what would happen
if I didn't pray:
I would surely fail,
something would go wrong,
someone might leave,
someone could die.

I still have the remnants
of those reasons.
I still operate
sometimes
in those modes.

But more and more these days
I pray
like I breathe.
I must.
It is life.
It is the one thing that is needful.
I can do no other,
because I am lost without you,
I must have you,
I must hold on to you,
I must
I must
I must.

All my springs are in you.
I pray to survive.
I pray to live.
I pray to be.

God alone sufficeth.