My Soul Is In Turmoil

Lord, my soul is in turmoil.
I am stricken with grief.
I have no answers,
only sadness
and unrest.

But, as Henri Nouwen once wrote,
"in the midst of much inner turmoil and restlessness,
there is a consoling thought:
maybe you are working in me
in a way I cannot yet feel, experience, or understand."

I know that's true.
I don't much like it, but I know it.
So in faith I cling to you.
I know that you are God.
I know you are not sleeping.
I know that you see into my heart,
and that you do some of your best work
in darkness.

So work, Lord.
Lead me.
Teach me.
Soften me.
Mold me.
Break me and put me back together,
as you wish.

I will do my best to submit,
to listen,
obey,
and glorify you,
by your grace.

I will not give up on you,
I will not stop praying,
I will not hold back in worship,
I will not blame,
I will not judge,
I will not lash out...
by your grace.

Let this little death
I am experiencing now
be for me (as it was for Jesus)
a path to resurrection life,
in whose name I pray, amen.