My Psalm 39

Bob Hostetler

Lord God, Adonai, I said, "I will watch carefully what I do
and try not to sin with my tongue.
I will shut my mouth—muzzle myself—
while the wicked are around."
So I worked hard to be quiet,
and held my tongue even to my hurt.
And that didn’t work out so well.
Lord God, I’m nearly fifty,
and I still am not wise in knowing when to speak
and when to shut up.
My heart gets hot within me,
and all my intentions to be a man who holds his counsel
go up in flames.

So here I am again, jabbering—but at least it’s to you.
Lord, let me live always with the end of my life in sight,
as if I know how many days I have to live.
Let me live like a dying man (which I am),
urgently but not frantically.
My days so far have passed like the wave of a hand,
and the days I have left will be even shorter.
When I’m gone, my whole life’s span will have been only a breath.
I walk here and there like a shadow.
I make all sorts of sound and fury—which amounts to nothing.
I store up riches, not knowing who will gather them.

So, Lord, what am I waiting for? My hope is in You.
Save me from all my sins.
Never let me be ashamed for trusting you.
I feel like I’m running out of words;
I have nothing left to say, unless you speak to me and through me.
I’m tired of being beaten and battered
by my enemies and my friends!
Please do not test me any more.
Please give me a time of refreshment;
O Lord, hear my prayer, and listen to my cry.
Let my tears and my fasting move you to have compassion on me.
For I am a stranger here, in this world,
but you are my home.
Please visit my heart and my life with joy again,
with blessing and peace and confidence,
before I go to my grave,
before I go to my reward.