A Pastor's Whine

Father, recent weeks--have they been as full of spiritual attack as I think? Or have I forgotten how to trust...how to rest...how to obey? Please tell me things will get better--no, not things, tell me I will get better. Please tell me I will yet learn to command my schedule (instead of vice versa). Please tell me I will yet figure out my own rhythms so I'm not always straining to get through a day, to get to a sabbath, to dread the end of a day(s) off! Please tell me I will become wise enough not to be ruled by worry and fear, and not to be so unhealthily affected by the moods and judgments of those who seem to live in ungrace and unhappiness.

I really do want to please you, Lord, and I want to trust you completely and constantly. I long to walk in peace, in confidence, in abandonment. I long to truly shepherd the flock and feed the lambs, to do it effectively. Even as I write this, I sense you urging me to see myself and my ministry with more gracious eyes than I do. So, okay. I will rest in you, Lord, and seek to walk in the awareness that you will build your church, as you have promised. I will just be faithful, as you enable me, by your grace, in Jesus' name, amen.

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