To Seek, to Find

Lord, have mercy.

Have mercy on my darkness,
my weakness,
my confusion.

Have mercy on my infidelity,
my cowardice,
my turning about in circles,
my wandering,
my evasions.

I do not ask for anything but such mercy,
in everything,

My life here – a little solidity and very much ashes.
Almost everything is ashes. What I have prized most is ashes.
What I have attended to least is, perhaps…
a little solid.

Lord, have mercy.
Guide me,
make me want again to be holy,
to be a man of God, 
even though in desperateness and confusion.

I do not necessarily ask for clarity, a plain way, 
but only to go according to your love,
to follow your mercy, to trust your mercy.

I want to seek nothing at all, if this is possible.
But only to be led without looking and without seeking.
For thus to seek is to find.

(A prayer by Thomas Merton, Journals, August 2, 1960, IV.28; photo by Jamie Street via

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